One of my favorite YouTube channels is Like Stories of Old. LSOO does these unbelievably thoughtful video essays analyzing film and the life lessons that they hold for us, such as the connection between time and love based on Interstellar, and the intrinsic nature of faith that Glass illustrates.
Recently, LSOO broke down why we love to lose ourselves in movies and games, especially that ones that might not seem that fun if they were a real life situation, like being a sole survivor in a zombie apocalypse or living in a dangerous prison.
LSOO’s argument lies essentially on the importance of purpose and meaning in our lives, quoting Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Striving to find a meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man.”
LSOO states that the reason we love to fantasize about and enjoy these difficult situations is because the external circumstances are so dire and pressing that everything is simplified to simply worrying about this one pursuit (e.g. surviving against zombies, escaping from prison, solving a murder). We can go into every situation and have a reason for interacting with it in a certain way, a context for which to give meaning to random things, a question that we are searching for answers to.
Everything in our lives because completely honed towards achieving this ultimate goal, and thus, we are given “ultimate purpose”.
However, LSOO calls this a “fantasy” of ultimate purpose because:
In real life, things are never so simple as to be completely directed towards a singular goal;
The stories and universes created around them are themselves not real. they are man-made products essentially built to impact us in specific ways or carry specific messages.
Now, this was very fascinating to me on 2 levels:
As a consumer: LSOO talks about how our current society has become increasingly meaningless and easy, making us more easily bored, and therefore, more susceptible to feelings of purposelessness. That makes the escape of a story where everything is high stakes and there’s a singular goal and huge task that requires all of our energy that much more alluring. I’ve been watching myself get pulled into films and TV shows and wondering why I’m so attracted, and this really explained why— because in reality, I struggle with a sense of purpose, so I love the feeling that I get experiencing other people find theirs. I can live vicariously and be renewed in my belief that maybe I can be like them and find that, too.
As a creator: The video didn’t really talk about creators except as the ones making the worlds and the stories, but it made me immediately think about the fantasy of ultimate purpose and my desire to be a creative, especially since I honestly don’t even produce as much as I think about the fantasy of creating, so I always knew there was something in the fantasy of it that held some bigger meaning than just the act of creating itself.
The video made me realize that I actually have an addiction to the fantasy of creating because I believe that creators are experiencing ultimate purpose. They are completely clear in their drive to create their art, and their entire life is driven by this clear and sole purpose. I believed that creatives that were really plugged into their purpose were channeling this sense of complete participation in something bigger, their mission to create art that was divinely commissioned.
Essentially, I believed that creatives had solved the existential question and that if I could hone my creative ability or just tell a particular type of story, I could escape the pain of meaninglessness.
But this isn’t true. I’ve also spent the last few years watching alot of interviews with creatives and content on their lives, and I’ve come to realize that they, too, all struggle with a lot confusion, doubt, and uncertainty— like everyone, they wonder, too, if what they’re doing matters, and what their purpose is.
So I have to let go of that fantasy in the sense of believing that it will save me from my feelings of meaninglessness. Even if there is some ultimate purpose that is really happening, the reality is it’s going to be something beyond us, and therefore, we will still lack the clarity that would make us immune from bouts of existential anxiety and depression.
While it is sad to realize that no one can be saved from that, it does open me up in important ways. For a while, I’ve been trying to figure out what the bigger picture is, so I can pick exactly what kind of message or story needs to be told to participate in this unfolding, and to feel as if my work is divinely commissioned and connected. I’ve wanted that because I imagine that once my purpose is that clear, I will know just how to write this story and have clear directions; I also imagine that it will guarantee success and acceptance of my work.
However, it has begun to block me because we all know the creative process doesn’t work like that. You don’t get to have clarity throughout the whole thing— you’re going to stumble, and feel your way, and most of the time, you wont’ even really know what you’re trying to say until its over, and you won’t have any guarantee that it helps anyone at all, or that anyone at all will like it or find it. And most of all, what you even really really really write about is out of your control. Yes, you can choose what to write about, but anyone’s who’s been forced to write on something they don’t care about knows its hard to keep it up. You write about what you’re naturally drawn to, and that’s something beyond you control. You can control to some degree the craft, but the essence of the thing itself is beyond your decision.
By letting go of this fantasy of ultimate purpose through creativity, and the idea that it can save m from existential anxiety and meaninglessness, I can open myself up more to the reality of creativity, especially the mystery of it. I’ve begun to really recognize that this whole thing is bigger than me and out of my control. It cannot and will not be reduced to a vehicle for fulfilling my ego’s desires, such as my ego’s desire to never feel meaningless or confused. I can actually see what my creativity wants to honestly say, rather than make it say what I think will garner me attention or importance.
There is a bigger mystery that is going on with the creative process, and it’s time I engaged with it as such— a portal to connecting with mystery, rather than a vehicle for fulfilling my small and superficial egotistical goals.
I wonder then, if you, too, might question the assumptions you’ve placed around what your life will be like when you are “really” a creative, and to consider how true that is, as well as in what ways those assumptions limit your deeper engagement with your creativity.
How are you fantasizing about your life as a creative?
How does trying to achieve the fantasy affect your actual relationship with your creativity?